Dad story: Blake, Dad of two (ish)

Moments That Matter: Parenting edition

‘Moments that Matter’ is a term I heard frequently for more than a decade while working in the banking and professional services sectors. It’s a business phrase referring to identifying high impact moments for building relationship, engagement or trust with your clients, customers or even your team. These moments are personal, unexpected, and come at a cost - not specifically a financial cost, but in the time and effort that one person spends in order to create a meaningful and impactful moment for the recipient. 

Just as moments are pivotal in building business relationships, they are equally crucial in parenting—especially when striving to live in parent to your values. For my wife and I, this includes family relationships and unconditional love that form the foundation of our actions and decisions that we make each day.

Despite our best efforts, this morning descended into chaos with arguments, tears, and last-minute scrambles out the door. My wife, who is 37 weeks pregnant, was unable to provide much physical assistance, and I was distracted by supervising a tradesperson and managing household chores, all while coaxing two young children to get ready. In the end, I carried my daughter over my shoulder to the car, barefoot, kicking and screaming. Her teeth still weren’t brushed, and her hair was everywhere. It was an absolute disaster.

Anticipating her predicament, I secretly packed her shoes, socks, and a hairbrush so that I could try and assist her one last time before she walked through the doors at daycare (and avoid the judging eyes of parents and staff for her dishevelled appearance). As we drove out the driveway, she realised that going to preschool in her current barefooted state would prevent her from being allowed to play outside. I let the consequence sink in, explaining that her refusal to get dressed and be ready on time had real implications for her day. We talked about how our actions affect each other (we had to leave so my son would not be late for school), hoping to show that discipline comes from a place of care.

 After a few minutes, I asked my children if they thought I loved them, wanting to see if they could distinguish the relationship between discipline and affection. My son immediately replied "Yes," but my daughter, with heartbreaking honesty, said, "No, I don’t think you love me." When I asked why, she responded, "Because I was bad." Her words stung, highlighting how easily a child can conflate their behaviour with their worth.

 In that moment, I felt a deep responsibility to reinforce the message that my love for her is unwavering, no matter her actions, and does not disappear in moments of teaching and discipline. On arrival at preschool, I helped her finish getting ready and tried to help her feel loved before I departed.

 Still, I wanted to create a lasting memory—a true Moment That Matters. When I got home later that day, I made her a card. I drew stick figures of us holding hands and wrote the following poem:

 I love you when you’re happy, 

I love you when you’re sad. 

I love you when you’re really good, 

And even when you’re being bad.*

My love is not connected

To the things you do.

I love you always, no matter what

Because I’m ‘Dad’ to you.

She loved the card when she saw it on her pillow as she climbed into bed. Time will tell if this will become a defining Moment That Mattered for my daughter, but I know the experience deeply mattered to me.

*Sharing these moments of vulnerability—the frustration, heartbreak, and determination to show unconditional love—has shaped the way my wife and I parent. We never tell our children they are "bad," striving to separate their bad behaviour from their identity. Instead we label their actions as bad, hoping they learn that they can choose the nature of their actions, but our love is always constant.