From Experience to Evidence: Making Sense with Science

Confidence: Dad’s Greatest Barrier to Caregiving

Fathers often lack confidence in caregiving due to limited experience and societal expectations, but this can change with time and involvement. My journey into fatherhood has illustrated just how transformative hands-on caregiving can be — not only for your child, but for dads, their partners and family as a whole.

The first time I held a baby as an adult was when I became an uncle at the age of 28. It had been more than two decades since I'd cradled a newborn—the last when I was a boy, holding the child of a family friend, encircled by my mother’s arms ensuring the child’s safety.

So when I finally became an uncle, holding my sister’s newborn felt utterly foreign. I’d flown interstate to meet my niece, eager to affirm my status as ‘favourite uncle’ right out of the gate. I started small—making faces, tickling, lifting my niece in front of me—but enthusiasm quickly outpaced caution. Before I knew it, I was holding her high above my head, oblivious to the ceiling fan spinning perilously above. My sister’s panicked scream snapped me out of the moment, and I hastily relinquished my niece. Only my pride and confidence were bruised, but the episode revealed how little I understood about caring for babies—and how far I had to go before becoming a dad.

Fast forward nine years, and I found myself on the verge of taking parental leave with my own son. Anxiety gripped me as I prepared to care for him solo, with no partner or guide nearby. On that first day, we didn’t leave home, taking literal baby steps as I learned his routines. After a few days, we ventured to the local park—close enough to retreat quickly if needed. It took two weeks, and plenty of encouragement from my wife, before attempting our first short trip to the mall. I nervously timed it with my son’s now familiar schedule, hoping to avoid any public meltdown that might expose my inadequacies as a caregiver.

Gradually, my confidence grew. Outings became easier, and soon, my wife’s work travels led my son and I to join her on interstate and even international trips. In Singapore, sitting in a bustling food court, an elderly woman approached me and asked, “Where’s the mother?” After explaining that my wife was at work, she walked away, puzzled—her reaction highlighting how rare it was to see fathers out caring for their children.

My time spent on parental leave as the primary caregiver was transformative in my confidence and capability to care for my child. It also had a huge impact on my wife’s confidence to return to work and minimise the impact of the motherhood penalty on her career. In that time, I learned to do everything my wife could do, biological constraints of breast feeding aside. Prior to taking parental leave, I had become fully dependent on my wife to understand my son’s needs and how to care for him. Even though I tried to be as active and supportive as possible, being at work during daylight hours for 5 days a week formed a massive barrier to learning my son’s ever changing coos and cries.

Recent research by Professor Leah Ruppanner suggests that the transformation I experienced is common among new dads, with parental confidence being a pivotal factor in determining how much fathers engage in caregiving. Ruppanner’s study, “The Caregiving Gap: Who feels confident caring for children?” (July 2025, University of Melbourne), found that societal norms lead to women demonstrating a higher level of confidence in caregiving than men, even before children enter the picture. Boys and men receive limited exposure and encouragement prior to having children, creating a confidence gap between men and women long before parenthood begins.

Broader cultural and institutional forces further reinforce the idea that men are less capable—or even less accepted—as caregivers. When men become fathers, their initial lack of confidence often results in withdrawal from caregiving, perpetuating gendered gaps in housework, workforce participation, and family dynamics. The pattern set in the first year of parenthood tends to endure, with fathers conforming to the breadwinner stereotype and mothers shouldering the mental load of the household.

Yet research by Pinto et al., “Father’s Parenting Self-Efficacy during the Transition to Parenthood” (2016), offers hope: the main driver of a father’s confidence is time spent caring for children. Fathers who actively participate in their children’s lives, especially in the earliest months and years, see their confidence soar—leading to greater engagement in parenting. Conversely, fathers who don’t take or are not afforded opportunities like parental leave miss out on this vital confidence-building, and the caregiving gap persists.

From my first tentative mall outing to the shared adventures with my son, time and hands-on experience have gradually replaced uncertainty with assurance. Ruppanner’s findings align with my lived reality: any exposure to caregiving, whether with babies or older children, increases competence and confidence for both parents. The key ingredient is time.

My personal journey and the research both demonstrate that fathers’ caregiving confidence is not fixed—it grows with involvement and experience. If you’re a dad who’s ever said, “My child only responds to their mother,” let this be an invitation: lean in, spend time, and watch your confidence and capabilities flourish. By doing so, you not only bridge the caregiving gap, but strengthen your family and your own sense of self as a parent.